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Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay Wasting Time...

Thursday, November 22, 2007

3:48PM

so the renou-basel era is over.


i have nothing else to add.

Monday, June 11, 2007

10:43PM

oh no, no, no... this is all happening much too fast!! i wasn't planning this to happen so fast.
i talked to my uncle and i start work on the 25th. that's not even in 2weeks!!
i have so many things i wanted to sort out before then!
So basically i have 3 more days of class left, i paint the van, clean, pack and move out of my little home and have one, two, three, four... four (!!) days left in Basel and im off. and im not off to any place, im off to Paris!! and this is no longer just insignificant, touristy Paris... i cant fucking do this!!! im too small to go there!! seriously, Paris is now attached to so many things, so many upcoming plans... i can't do this!!
i haven't had time to get used to idea of leaving Strasbourg, to leaving these streets and people... oh gosh, oh gosh... i need to relax...

it'll be fine.
im going to master Paris and crush all those Parisians (woa- my maoist/dictatorial nature re-emerges)

well, i need to take this all in. im off to run or im going to eat all my fridge and cupboards--

aach, stupid tropical weather...

bah, just a little piece of chocolate... or a little row- wont hurt.

Friday, May 25, 2007

8:37PM

haha, im such a bad self-assessor.... ignore my last comment. the jury definitely weren't asses..... because i was accepted!!!

okay im going to brag a bit(if not a lot, but im so excited and actually quite proud... )
This is a super school (i guess the fact that they take 49people in france can assess its quality. --(oooh-if you know Robert Doisneau photos.. well, he graduated from l’École supérieure des arts et industries graphiques, ESTIENNE)
anyways, im very excited!!! and this great education would all be for free (well 200euros /yr)
its really pretty too and in the center of paris, so i hope that this will attract some of you!!
so yes, logically i should be spending the next 2yrs in paris (13e arrondissement)


the pretty gate

Current mood: ecstatic

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

11:49AM

pff, im so mad
I was in PAris for another interview in a pretty good school (really pretty too (building wise)-- the letter that i received with my interview date and time, also included a list of 20works i had to bring, and 2 sketchbooks.
so i followed their instructions and brought those 22 things + a few extra things in case they were interested... i presented my stuff (10minutes max) and they asked:" is that all?"-- wtf? im so confused. im not sure if it was some tactic to try to destabilise me, but they were asses... i came out of there, feeling like the ellie i had presented wasn't really me...
anyways, im just disgusted to have travelled 10h for a 10 minute, crappy interview...

at least i got to drive a bit with my dad and have a few good conversations on the way there...

when we got out of basel (i drove from there with him), we drove by a park (by the n°1 line, it was 7h30am) and in the empty park were lots of café chairs--- not embedded benches but free, normal chairs. I was really amazed-- i think i might have overreacted, but this type of sight is impossible in france. the chairs would be stolen and destroyed within a few hours. France has lost all moral, all civil behaviour.. well france isn't the only country this has been happenign to, but its just so depressing.
Switzerland is such an AWESOME place, seriously, i love it so much, i dont think i can imagine myself not coming back for at least a little portion of my life
i really believe that we're in some sort of modern medieval time and that a renaissance is going to emerge sometime soon-- well, i really hope so

anyways, i took the train back to Strasbg in the evening.. wow, im really looking forward to the TGV- the current 4h30 are so boring... (but cheaper, so we'll see how the tgv turns out)

Sunday, May 6, 2007

7:41PM

fuck....

ou plutôt, merde.....

Current mood: and embarassed

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

10:03PM

ahhh... sometimes i catch myself loving this country.

its 22h- the streets are empty despite the beautiful weather. to watch the milan-manchester game in a bar you have to head in the back rooms, or in the basements... instead of sport events, the world cup extra-large tvs in most of the bars in the town center are being monopolised by te sego-sarko debate. all chairs are pointed towards tvs- its insane... im so proud of seeing business men with chilled students, just listening to both candidates... its a very interesting and almost surreal vision... its sad to say this because it should be natural for all of us to watch political events, but it just seems quite surreal

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

11:12AM

oh, gosh, if only things could work out...

Saturday, April 14, 2007

12:22AM

hum- so im fourth on the waiting list for the arts deco strasbourg. the school takes 66 ppl out of the 170 selected after the 1st selection. so if 4 ppl choose to attend another school next year, im all good.
many of the chosen people from the arts deco in strasbourg are also on the lists for the arts deco in paris (36 to be exact, im lame and compared the lists)-hopefully 4 of these decide to go to the pretty capital...

wow, how i hate not being able to control my future. its so frustrating. now, all i have to do is wait...

Current mood: hopeful

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

12:58PM

wow, i reread my previous entry from way back in february.. very interesting.. so about the arts deco strasbourg... such a stressful experience...to visualise it, i guess its comparable to the pop/american idol selections, or any one of those singing reality-shows... 1st step you have a 20min interview with a 5ppl jury- show all your work etc... so, yesterday was my "audition": i waited 4h in a corridor with 100s of ppl from all over- (well, mainly french, but also lots of koreans...)with their works... yuuky and very heavy atmosphere...- the interviews were spread over 2days: we were 1002 ppl- they seleceted 170 for the 2nd step: essay, english and art exam- thats today... guess what?! im on my lunch break... and i made it through to the 2nd step-- its fucking insane!! i dont really care if im not chosen as the final 65ppl, this is already way beyond my expectations... 25ppl from my school tried out and we're only 2 to have gone through to the 2nd round... oh, yea
this is such a narcissic entry, but i dont care, for once im really proud of myself!!

okay, im off....

Sunday, February 4, 2007

9:40AM - brrr

im not quite sure, what im getting myself into.

So im back from a week-end spent in paris with my backpack dad, visiting art schools.
(Just so you know, im heading towards a 2yr course in 'communication visuelle'-- ie: advertisement, illustration, graphic design etc. )
seriously, if i get into one of these elitist schools (quite impossible, really since some of the schools im going to try out for take 25ppl out of the thousands that try to enter... no pressure, really), anyways if i do get into one of them- what do i do? im not sure to be prepared for a parisian life- the place is SO big. i know it sounds ridiculous, (especially to you big city ppl!!) but i like basel/strasbourg sized places, where you know most streets, shops etc.
anyways, the other solution is to enter a private school in Nantes, or Paris. so it sounds pretty much like strasbourg is done with.
(well strasbourg is a possibility if i get into the "Arts Deco" there. (pretty much the best public school in france... it has a better reputation that the Paris Arts deco..) or if i mess up everywhere and stay in my current school, which im not sure to want to... i wouldnt mind leaving strasbourg (2yrs is a good enough time to stay in a city, i think))

my sister's starting her internship next year and will most probably leave the alsace too.
that will definitely lead my parents to leave basel, since they'll have nothing retaining them there anymore.
just the thought of losing my basel room makes me want to puke. the idea of leaving that appartment.... pff. im not sure if ill survive. seriously, i think i could die internally. ive already cried myself to sleep because of that... several times... im quite pathetic really, but i have to start getting used to the idea.

pff. i really dont know what im getting into.

all i know is that im excited about my orientation- the courses sound exciting, there are good job opportunities.
i have start believing in myself--- believing that im the best, that i can get my butt into any of those schools and that i deserve a place in there.

Current mood: calm

Sunday, December 3, 2006

8:50AM

i talked to my dad via skype and since he was using a webcam ihad the pleasure of seeing him. that pleasure, however, quickly changed into shock and disbelief.

i cant stand it, nor write it. its atrocious- its the end of my innocence!!

i saw my dad's upper lip.
he cut it!!! HE CUT IT!!! His beautiful and scratchy moustache. oh gosh... im breaking down. even my mom had never seen him in such a naked state. that moustache was happily niched under his nose for the past 40years(well, almost). how could he? without even asking ?
i hate vietnam and its bouddhist influences (if there are any there)
i want the scratchy kisses back!!
lets hope itll be back for christmas.

oh. i cant breathe

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

5:51PM

scratch that last entry!
i am a f**king legal driver!!
i feel high- and NOone is answering their phone!! im so frustrtated.
wow, im on my way to becoming a proper adult. scary

Current mood: ecstatic

Monday, November 27, 2006

12:16PM

the chances of success in france of passing your practical driving exam on the first go is : 49%
sadly i guess i wont be in that percentage.

the people waiting with me were all either on their second go or third. so reassuring!
argh- im so mad at myself: i made mistakes i never have done before.
stupid stress.
well, im off to take the train- i guess ill have to use it for quite a while longer.
the waiting list to re-pass your exam is minimum 5months... weehoo!
merry christmas to you all.
i hate myself

Current mood: pessimistic

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

2:46PM

hum interesting sms conversation.
so i dreamt that my friend Julia (another julia from school in Strasbg) had quit and given up our courses, since before the holidays she was struggling quite a bit and her self-esteem was pretty low.
anyways, so i dreamt that she wouldnt be back after the holidays. On monday- she wasnt in class.
first thought: crap- what have i done? my dream has had bad vibes on her.
so i texted her monday evening, wondering how she was and if all was good.
beep, beep- she replies: 'aw- thanks for asking, but right now for me its resting time- dont tell, but in the psychiatric hospital, but dont worry, things are doing good so far.'

hum- awkward, and very depreressing. Its a very strange situation to be in- knowing that a friend is in hospital, while she seemed so "normal", you start believing that it can happen to anyone- exploding and ending up there.
its a very worrying thought. i really hope shes okay

otherwise, during the holidays i got yet another weird phone call. it was like in a thriller- seriously.
one of my mom's friends emailed her- for no apparent reason- just the routine, but she concluded her email wiht : oh AND Jean(her long-term boyfriend) has died after a journey in kazakstan.
so my mom tried calling her, to help her talk about it, but no replies.
I was home alone during my holidays, working on some matchbox drawings and the friend calls.
she first asks me if my moms home and how i am etc. i tell her to call later, but she tells me she cant, shes in a phone booth because she cant call from her house. she asks me if "i know about the thing"- i assume its the death of her friend, so i answer yes- she tells me "its all fake. i cant talk about it at home, so if your mom calls she cant mention it".
i laughed, i didnt know what else to do- i just nervously laughed.... i felt like being in a James Bond movie or other detective story-

From these 2 recent converstaions, i conclude: never answer the phone or engage anyone in any sort of coverstion (either speech or text)!
or maybe its just the world messing us all up. seriously: i never would have thought adult life was as scarily comical. or perahps simply scary.

brrr- on a happier note: the xmas tree is being set up in strasbg- :-) hohoho

Current mood: weird

Friday, November 3, 2006

4:25PM

okay- i sound very mean and bitter
really im not.
im just sad- pathetically and extremely sad

2:03PM

i am so disgustingly frustrated!
i cant get my butt up to Maatricht!!
the train connections are crap- min.6hour trip. and now- i realise i have exams next week- wednesday and.. of course friday (afternoon, of course!)
so yea, 13hours and 100 euros for a day in maastricht is a bit too hectic and stressful.
i hate this- i hate messing things up like that
especially after a week in basel- im feeling quite nostalgic and that week-end could have definitely energised me...
hum- i hate the world and everything about it!

Current mood: grumpy

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

9:45AM - big mistake

i grabbed the scissors: it started off as a slight trim- now im stuck with some messed up thing across my forehead. what an idiot.
and its not like its the first time i mess it up... i should learn from past experience. idiot ellie, idiot

Monday, October 30, 2006

6:46PM

hum- so I'm in basel- i take the lovely green tram(without paying of course) and i end up next to Ms Kilchenmann. I say Hello and she doesnt recognise me- then she realises that yes, i am a known face- she tells me "ah- yes, you're the 'au pair'"- ??. i went to school with her son for 7yrs!!-- thats quite depressing- unless my wrinkles have metamorphosized my face &ive really changed since june 2005. sniff, i suck- or maybe she just doesnt have that great of a visual memory- lets rather lean towards that second hypothesis
Maybe my resolution for the next few months should be to be louder, yet not embarassingly loud, i should try to be more self assured. Wow, i dont see that happening- its so stupid cos its not actually that big of a task- just a few gradual modifications/improvements to my character, yet its almost impossible. Nellie- teach me!

On such a depressive note i went into town and released my frustration on good ol' H&M, i bought shoes, a coat, a shirt, a scarf and cardigan. its the herbstmesse and the cold is starting to impose itself. the heissi-marroni-smell is scrumptious.


oh- after cuba- my dad's off again. HIm and his backpack are flying to Vietnam, end of November. Unlike in september when he left to cuba, im not envious at all, staying in strasbourg to paint and draw suits just fine.



i like the beat of this song- it suits the mood of my neurones and hormones!

Current mood: calm

Saturday, October 28, 2006

3:39PM

what if i cut my hair real short?
i want some change..
or what about some 1920/30s bob- with a fringe?
hum- ill start photoshopping to check out the best solutions. im so sad

Current mood: tired

Thursday, October 26, 2006

12:06PM

when you have eight months ahead of you- eight months devoted to work, for self-improvement- eight months that can't be extended to a few extra months, is it really worth attaching yourself to people? is the pain of separation really necessary/worth it? should you just stay on the surface and focus on your work, on your future, on the acquirement of the new skills taught?
im so fucking scared to get attached to people. a part of me is longing for greater affection, for something deeper, but on the otherside i know it will kill me to say goodbye- despite the numerous "we'll keep in touch's", i know once you seperate- its over. I cant even remember the faces of all those to whom ive said 'yea- we'll keep in touch and meet up later". I feel like a granny whose life has been a constant repetition of separations. i always hear- wow you've move around quite a bit- thats so cool, it must have been so great!-- i want to punch those people and scream my lungs out that its traumatising; its brain crunching- to be in constant hesitation - always questioning yourself about whether its worth getting closer to X or Y. why cant i just let things go with the flow- let things happen naturally? why am i so messed up?

hum, so far, im staying on the surface- im leaving strasbourg (for sure) by june.
but what if, my life involves me being constantly on the move; will i ever have the guts to attach myself to someone?
wow, im scaring myself.

dont think that im in some dark phase- its not the case at all- im just questioning and wondering if you'd do the same- as in, not getting too attached to the people of my class until june? am i being irrational?

Current mood: thoughtful

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